The rule about flying is that anything that looks like it can be used as a weapon has to go in the luggage that gets checked in. The words they use are “all edged or blunt objects.” That is just about everything! In your hand luggage you can take books and some clothes, but snacks and liquids become another challenge. The agriculture guys get you if you have any fruit or veg because of the threat of contamination, a la Dutch Elm disease. Any liquids are presumed to be the makings of an improvised bomb, and quantities are severely limited. Normally all liquids and pastes, etc. need to be in containers of less than 100 ml, and need to be carried in a see through zip lock bag separate from the rest of your stuff.
So in each airport you now have a massive cadre of minimum wage security personnel checking every passenger. The job is mind numbing, and it likely doesn’t attract the most brilliant or the best. They spend hours each day arranging the things you carry in your pockets in little plastic trays so that the stuff can go through an x-ray machine, and so that you can go through a metal detector without getting the dreaded ‘beep’. The guy looking at the x-rays has the worst job of all.
I am sure that after a while ennui sets in and that many security guys (and girls) are just looking for the obvious. It becomes apparent when you have to pass through security several times in one day and only one guy, late in the day, picks you up for something that has been in your bag or pocket all day.
Such was the case with me. I had packed a small radio frequency scanner in my carry-on bag so that I could dial up the airport and security frequencies while waiting in the lounges, and listen to the things going on. I also had a small wire connector/adapter that connected a much bigger HF antenna to the scanner so that I could listen to Radio Canada International and get the Stanley cup games. The entire business was the size of a tic-tac box and (I realized later) looked extremely suspicious on an x-ray machine. I successfully passed through security in Victoria, flew to Calgary, successfully passed through security in Calgary, flew to Amsterdam but was stopped, after flying 14,000 km, by a sharp eyed security guard in Schiphol who spotted the unusual electronic bundle in my bag. He made me take it all out and prove to him that it worked and that it was not a transmitter, simply a receiver. It was all very easy, but made me question the attentiveness of the first two security checks.
In a similar vein, Nancy bought a bundle of Gouda cheeses to bring home. She stuffed them into her carry-on along with her iPod shuffle and headphones and the AC adapter for her laptop (which I was carrying). I went through security first, and I looked back at the x-ray screen and saw Nancy’s bag up on the screen at the same time as another bag was on the screen. I was somewhat alarmed when I saw the row of cheeses and wires and what looked like a homemade bomb. But here is the rub, another bag beside Nancy's had a half empty coke in it. The security guy pressed the panic button and the bag with the coke in it was taken aside and the man who owned the bag had to take everything out. They took the half a coke away and threw it in the garbage. Meanwhile the cheese made it through! I thought, if you think the coke it dangerous then why do you put it in the garbage right beside the x-ray machine? Why not just make the guy take a drink and then let it go? The art of slight-of-hand (or distraction) allowed Nancy's much more suspicious looking package through!
I have come to the conclusion that the same folks that run the security companies also run the drink concessions (that charge $5 for a tiny thing of water) inside the secure area. They are uniquely situated to make sure that tired, sweating, nervous, hungry and thirsty passengers are stripped of anything to eat or drink before being locked in a too hot, boring waiting area for two or three hours. It is a license to print money!
Ever notice that the security guys and the people that run the concessions could all be related? And that they all look like terrorists?
Just sayin'.
